Vision Logo

Hating God, Loving God

by | Sun, Dec 4 2022

Text size: A- A+

Hating God, Loving God is Alex Davies’ painful story of being raised in an abusive and manipulative cult. His childhood sufferings resulted in a troubled adolescence and a deeply disturbed adulthood. In throwing off the lies told to him by the cult’s elders, he also threw away any sense of God’s love and mercy.

Somehow, Alex survived adolescence, got an education, and set out on the road to making money. He believed that the accumulating possessions was the only way to earn respect. But his pain persisted, and he sought relief in all the wrong places.

From Hating God to Loving God

Alex recently joined us on The Story to share how it wasn’t until he was in the pit of despair, that he was finally ready to accept the truth that God loved him. After giving his life to Jesus he was transformed, and went from hating God to loving God.

According to Alex, growing up in a cult was very much about torturing children on a mental, emotional and physical level. It also involved the manipulation of adults to convince intellectual people to believe that the cult leader was God’s last living apostle and that his church was the one true church.

‘It was just using people’s desperation and longing for hope,’ says Alex. ‘They used every method of psychology and even war tactics, breaking people’s mind, body and spirit, and then building them up as whoever they wanted them be.’

One of the reasons Alex came to hate God was because of the dysfunctional relationship he had with his family. Looking back at what his parents did was difficult, but Alex was able to reconcile with his father before he passed away.

God Is With Us

‘At the point that he died, I loved him,’ says Alex. ‘He was finally my dad after all these years. But my mother, unfortunately, is still well and truly a part of that hoax. One of my siblings saw her in the supermarket, went up to her and said, “Mum” and my mother quickly looked away. The woman sitting across from her said, I thought you didn’t have any children. And my mother stood up and said, I don’t. She walked away.’

Alex says that when someone leaves the cult, they are abandoned by their families. The hatred that he felt for God allowing these things to happen was overwhelming. But even though it was a long and torturous path, Andrew felt that God was with him the whole time, leading and guiding him.

‘But I got to the point where I no longer believed that He was there,’ says Alex. ‘That made my path even more wicked. And it really got to the point where one day I wanted to commit suicide. Just before I was going to take my life, I fell on the shower floor. And I just prayed and prayed to Christ that He would come in and take this feeling away.’

Divine Transformation

Somehow, Alex knew that Jesus would help him. From then on, signs and inexplicable things kept on happening. He did as much research on God as possible, and listened to teachers speak on the evidence of the existence of God and the resurrection of Jesus.

‘I came to realise intellectually that there was a cross and that there was a God,’ says Alex. ‘But emotionally, when I found God, it was the most sensational day of my life. He transformed me in such an amazing, divine way. I was sitting in a chair next to a pastor and I just gave my life to Christ. And it was as if everything lifted off my chest.’

Through Jesus, Alex found the love and acceptance he had been seeking. He’s found happiness in marriage, a fulfilling career, and a strong social network. Everything in his life shifted at that that moment, and from then on, God began to actively intervene.

‘I couldn’t deny Him anymore and I couldn’t keep running,’ says Alex. ‘I knew that day that He really loved me.’

Listen to Alex’s full interview on The Story below, and for more resources visit our Vision Store.