By: Christine Wood
I became a mother for the first time almost 26 years ago now, and what a wild ride it has been! Motherhood is easily the most rewarding, demanding, fulfilling and heart-breaking pursuit of my life. It has led to more laughter, more tears, more prayers and more lost sleep than anything else in my life.
There is a lot we learn as parents. Parenthood completely changes our lives. From the day we discover a new life has begun deep within us, everything is different: our outlook on life, hopes and dreams, plans for the future and financial goals. I knew that. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was how much my understanding of God would change.
Motherhood gave me a new understanding of the heart of God. Here are a few lessons I learned from my years of parenting:
Undeserved Love
Will you love me if I can give you nothing in return?
We want love to be fair. It should be give–and–take equally from both sides of the equation. When someone loves us and expresses that love in acts of service and kindness, we expect to reciprocate. We give back. We live in a way that is deserving of that love.
When it comes to God’s love, we are overwhelmingly in debt, every minute of every day. We could not possibly do anything to deserve the love God lavishes on us. As hard as we try, as much as we work, we can never add up to enough. We can strive and strive and strive and will always come up short. We have a choice. We can either accept God’s love or continue to feel the weight of the debt and keep working to pay our way. It only seems fair.
God’s love doesn’t require us to work to pay for it in return. We know this because of the encounter Jesus had with the thief on the cross. Moments from death, after living the life of a criminal, this man cried out to Jesus for forgiveness. He had no way of paying for it in acts of service. He couldn’t do anything good in return, and yet, Jesus gave Him the gift of eternal life. “Today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)
Parenthood gave me a new understanding of what undeserved love means. My babies did nothing to deserve my love. It was years before any of my children achieved anything helpful. The only thing they bought into my life was hard work and self-sacrifice. They didn’t do anything to deserve my love, but my heart was full to overflowing with love for them regardless.
As they grew, I taught them to be helpful. I encouraged them to show their love in acts of kindness and generosity. I expected them to contribute to the running of the household. But my love never changed dependent on the contribution they made. They didn’t receive less love during times of busyness or sickness when they needed more care. They didn’t receive more of my love when they did the dishes more often. It just doesn’t work that way.
It is the same way with God. It is good for us to contribute to His Kingdom: to give generously, carry one another’s burdens and help those in need. But, God’s love for us doesn’t depend on our ability to work. Those who are elderly, unwell or disabled do not receive any less of God’s love than those who give their lives in service to the Kingdom.
Unconditional Love
Will you love me if I hurt you?
As adults, we have an unwritten browny point system for our love. Even when we don’t acknowledge it or articulate it, we are keeping a secret tally in our heart. On simplest of terms, it goes like this, “If you love me, I will love you.” And the flip side, “If you hurt me, I will withdraw my love until you deserve it back.” We don’t mean to be this way. It’s hard to genuinely love and serve someone undeserving.
We unwittingly take this tally system into our relationship with God. Somewhere deep inside, we unconsciously think God will love us more if we are good. When we do the right thing, read our Bible, pray, go to church and give to the poor, we deserve God’s love, we accept it and enjoy it. We work hard to keep the browny point tally in the positive and earn the love we deserve.
And when we fail, when we lie or steal or cheat, when we get angry, selfish or lazy, we feel guilty and undeserving of God’s love. In this ‘low on browny points’ state, we withdraw from God and often from Christian community as well. We feel unworthy, and it makes us ashamed to show our face before God.
Adam and Eve experienced this. When they disobeyed God and sinned, they withdrew, hiding in the garden rather than walking in God’s presence. They tried to cover their nakedness, suddenly aware and ashamed of themselves. And this story is repeated over and over. It is our sinful nature.
When we’ve done wrong, we feel like God wouldn’t want anything to do with us. We expect Him to reject us.
I learned about God’s unconditional love for me when I experienced what unconditional love felt like for my children. When they were naughty, no matter how frustrating they could be and how annoyed I became, I never loved them any less. When they got themselves into the biggest of scrapes, I wanted to hold them closer than ever. Whatever mistakes they made, I always wanted to be the first one they turned to for help.
This helped me understand God’s unconditional love for me. When I make mistakes and mess up my life, He doesn’t want me to run and hide from Him; He wants me to run to Him, ask for help, and receive the forgiveness and love that will set me free from sin. God doesn’t push me away. He holds me close, no matter what I’ve done.
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. —Hebrews 4:16
Extravagant Love
How much love will you give me?
I love giving gifts to my kids. I love paying the bill when we go out to eat. I love finding the perfect gift. When they were young, I remember spending hours researching and shopping for toys that would bring a smile to their faces on Christmas morning. I loved buying them clothes that made them feel great and shoes with glittery heels, or whatever it was that lit up their smile and gave them the confidence to step out into the big wide world.
Murray and I were reminiscing recently while we sat in a park having a cup of coffee by a swing set. We fondly remember the Christmas Eve Murray’s dad come around to our place at 8:30 pm, after the children were asleep, to put together a swing set. Father and Grandfather worked long into the night building and installing the swings in our backyard. It was hard work. It was also a delight to hear the excited squeals of our three kids the next morning, eyes wide, as they ran into the yard. Those swings brought many hours of joy, and we all remembered how they magically appeared on Christmas morning.
I love giving generous gifts to my kids. But sometimes, I don’t recognise how much God loves to give generous gifts to me. I expect that God will be frugal and stingy, carefully counting out the scraps of blessing so as not to spend too much on me or give me more than I deserve. But God isn’t like this.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! —1 John 3:1
I learned what it feels like to lavish love on someone. I understand the joy in seeing joy in others, and I have a glimpse of God’s heart in lavishing love on me. He’s not stingy. God is extravagant with His gifts for His children. He loves the delight in my eyes when I accept and acknowledge gifts from Him.
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! —Matthew 7:11
I remember reading a devotion when I first became a mother that reminded me; God loves my children even more than I do. It was a comfort during the worrying early months of parenthood as I struggled to provide and care for my baby, totally dependent on me for her life. This thought has never left me. God’s love can never compare to my love, but my mother heart stretched to encompass the three lives most dear to me, has taught me a lot about God’s love.
God gave up His one and only Son to have a relationship with me. His sacrifice is the ultimate example of love. Being a mother has helped me understand God’s love more than I ever did before.
The post What Motherhood Taught me about God’s Love appeared first on Living With Margins and has been reproduced with permission.
