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Supporting Your Spouse Through Depression and Anxiety

by | Wed, Feb 13 2019

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Dave and Ashley Willis

Dave and Ashley Willis

Depression is a very real issue, and not one that should just be brushed to the side or simply ignored.  As a spouse, when you see the person you love most in the world struggling to find hope, you naturally want to help but often don’t know how.   What is the right thing to say?  How do I help in a practical way without making them feel attacked?

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for 18 years like Dave and Ashley Willis, or just 6 months like Rise & Shine’s producer Alex, depression can strike at any point in your relationship.   Vows were taken to love each other ‘for better or worse, in sickness and health’ – so what do you do to help your spouse when the ‘sickness’ part of your vows rears it’s ugly head?

Dave and Ashley Willis, authors of ‘7 Days to a Stronger Marriage’ and ‘Naked Marriage’, have been sharing insight and encouragement to Vision Christian Radio listeners on Rise & Shine  In their latest segment, producer Alex asked a very personal question.  Her husband of 6 months has been diagnosed with depression and she wants to know how she, as a spouse, can offer support.

Ashley’s heart went straight out to Alex’s husband, revealing that she too had struggled with depression shortly after she and Dave got married.

“It was really shortly after we were married that I was diagnosed with depression,” Ashley shared. “I went through about 4 years of intense anxiety and depression. It was horrible, so I do understand a little bit of what your husband is going through.  I will say that Dave, during that time there were definitely some things he did that really helped me.”

“There were so many times where I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would be having those thoughts.  Those terrible thoughts that we often get when we’re depressed.  It’s just attacking my mind.  A lot of nights I couldn’t sleep and I would be sometimes physically ill from those thoughts.  I would sometimes wake up Dave.  And you know, every single time I would kinda nudge him and say, ‘Can you pray with me? Can you just give me an encouraging word?’  He never once said ‘You need to get over this. This is your problem.’“

“He never once said ‘I’m so tired of you waking me up, I’ve gotta get up for work.’  He just never made me feel bad.  He just always made me feel like this was something we were facing together and not separately.  That really helped me because I needed to know that I could really lean on him.  We found in our marriage through the years that there has been different times when one of us feels weaker and one of us feels stronger.”

“In the weak moments, that’s when you need your spouse to be strong for you the most.  It was in that moment I was feeling so weak and he was very strong for me, and strong in a sense of just being a listening ear, and being willing to offer me just that encouragement that I needed.  Because when you’re depressed you’re just not thinking clearly. You really do have these thoughts like ‘this is my life and I guess it’s how it’s going to be from now on, I’m never going to get out of this, I’m always going to feel like a shell of a person’.”

“We need our spouse, especially in those heightened moments of sadness to really fill that void and say ‘No, God’s going to get us through this, and I’m here with you.’”

Listen to Dave’s response and advice in Part 2 of their chat on Rise & Shine.

Right after speaking with Robbo and Becci, Ashley went live on Facebook to share more about offering support when your spouse is depressed.

Dave and Ashley also host a podcast called 'Marriage Today'.  Watch their recent episode below titled, 'Honest Talk About Anxiety & Depression'.

Join Robbo and Becci every week day morning on Vision Christian Radio's Rise & Shine. Click here for your local times.

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