What to Do When You and Your Spouse are Always Fighting
Robbo and Becci welcomed back Dave and Ashely Willis to share some advice on how to navigate some of the difficult seasons in marriage.
Keeping discussions civil, and controlling emotions can be very challenging when we are constantly disagreeing with our spouse. How can we learn to listen better, and have healthy discussions that don’t always end in anger? Dave and Ashely have some valuable tips for us all.
“Every couple experiences disagreements”, says Dave. “But the thing to remember is that nobody wins in a marriage disagreement. You and your spouse are on the same team. You’re either going to win together or lose together.”
Ashley continues, “At first I thought I was a great listener. But over time I realised that I was just waiting for my turn to speak. The crazy thing was we were so often saying the same thing! Emotions were running high, and we really needed to learn to put a pause on the conversation.”
“How can we talk about this in a healthy way? How can we take the angst and the anger out of the conversation, and handle it in a calm and healthy manner?” were the questions that Ashley began asking herself.
Dave wants couples to know that they don’t have to live in a hopeless marriage. “There’s always hope with God”, he says. “God can bring hope, no matter how bad the situation seems at the time. It can feel impossible to break the cycle of negativity when both spouses are wounded. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is sit down with a professional.”
Dave encourages all couples who are struggling to find a Christian counsellor. “A good Christian counsellor is a safe space for you and your spouse to re-develop healthy habits together.”
Ashley continues, “You need neutral ground. A prolonged season of fighting can lead to mean comments, or worse still, silence. Silence and giving each other the cold shoulder is just another form of fighting, and a counsellor can point out the blind spots for both of you, and help you to start the journey of healing. You can learn to talk to each other in a loving and healthy way again.”
“I have seen God do the miraculous”, says Ashley, “raising a seemingly dead marriage back to life. It takes hard work, but I have spoken to couples who said they never thought they could have a marriage like this, better than it ever was before. There is always hope in God.”
Dave adds, “86% of couples in a season of crisis who choose to work on their marriage, say that within 2 to 5 years they are happier than they have ever been. Sometimes all they can think is that it’s always going to be this hard, but with God’s help, couples can build a stronger, happier and healthier marriage. Hold on to hope. It is worth it!”
Continue listening to Dave and Ashely’s tips about holding on to hope, and working through the difficult times in your marriage.