Attitudes to Sex and Relationships – Paul Ninnes

Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

What is right and what is wrong?

“Social media and the rise of media over the last couple of decades has meant that by far the digital communication networks are the main way people are receiving education when it comes to relationships, sex and marriage.”

Meet Paul Ninnes, the co-founder and managing director of Real Talk International.

Real Talk’s ministry mostly takes them into the educational zone with Australia and New Zealand’s independent schools the primary beneficiaries.

We’ve grown rapidly to reach many young people.

Paul has calculated Real Talk expects to reach around 40-thousand young people by the end of the year.

The conversation centres basically on God’s plan for love and life.

‘We don’t find it difficult’

“We talk about personal identity, how we’re made, relationships and making good decisions.”

“Also a really positive vision of what marriage and sex was created for,” was how Paul described the thrust of their work before sharing some of the feedback they receive from their target audiences.

“When people hear what we do they say that must be really difficult.”

And yet we don’t find it difficult because for one thing, they’re topics of great interest.

“Secondly, you can present this message, that’s really a beautiful and awesome message, in a way that captivates people.”

People feel encouraged, sometimes transformed

The main response Real Talk receives from people, in a word, and that wasn’t what they  expected.

Kym Keady co-founder

The people feel encouraged and sometimes transformed. It can also support their own experiences.

As Paul explained many people have had negative experiences where sex and relationships are concerned.

“It’s those negative experiences that can shape their understanding of the topic,” Paul outlined, telling of the heartbreak they’ve usually gone through that’s then countered by a message that provides consolation and encouragement.

The ideas of sex and relationships as represented in movies, television, internet sites and other digital media hosts are more often fallacy and superficial.

Real Talk’s message is different. It’s a message that projects reality and hope to many caught up in difficult situations.

Marriage, sex and family

“The Christian worldview brings a different perspective to what many understand the institution of marriage to be,” Paul said, saying Real Talk’s presentation doesn’t contain new concepts and ideas.

“In some ways they’re tried and tested and often the most steadfast way to produce a good society with the family very much the pillar and building block of society.”

The concepts of marriage, sex and family have been essential ingredients for many millennia.

The challenge is encountering the wide gamut of people’s personal beliefs and experiences.

“Then there’s the disconnect between young people and their parents and young people and their teachers.”

Pornography – A different driving force

“Social media and the rise of media over the last couple of decades has meant that by far the digital communication networks are the main way people are receiving education when it comes to relationships, sex and marriage.”

Paul Ninnes co-founder

“Many people’s views and their vision in some ways for healthy relationships, come from media and the mediums.”

It often has a different driving force behind why they’re presenting that message.

In amongst this mix sits pornography that Paul said is playing a huge role in forming the culture.

“Most commonly this is through a direct experience of pornography and also like a passive smoking kind of effect through pornography,” Paul illustrated.

“It’s leading to a culture change and a hyper-sexualisation of culture we’re all living in whether we’re accessing that sort of sex or not.”

There’s nothing wrong with asking this question

Q & A’s are occasionally part of the Real Talk school presentations and at a recent school gathering Paul fielded questions from students related to pornography.

Paul’s first response was to state there was nothing wrong with the question or the person  asking the question.

There’s nothing wrong with asking this question and there’s nothing wrong with even having desires in this way.

This was Paul’s response to help put the students at ease.

“But we do need to sometimes question why are our behaviours and desires are moving in that direction.”

“We also need to ask, is that best? Or is that a script that’s come from the sexualisation of the culture and the spread of pornography through the digital medium.”

Extreme sexual behaviour

Paul remarked how this was a classic example of students wanting to know.

Am I OK? Should I be doing this? Is this what’s normal?

“Those question have been formed by visions, opinions, and pictures that for many generations people would never have had access to,” Paul expressed, adding that young people are seeing things our grandparents couldn’t have dreamed of or conceived of ever seeing.

Sadly, extreme sexual behaviour has escalated with reports to back that up.

“Research from America has found that young women are judging how good sex was, not based on how connected they are to the other person, and not based on even the pleasure they’ve experienced.”

Paul said it’s absolutely tragic that sex is moving away from a loving, connecting, beautiful, enjoyable experience towards something that is just about performing and pleasing the other person.”

That said Paul shared that we don’t give enough credit to young people or ourselves and how we’re created to be.

We yearn for truth

“I think we all have the truth written within us,” Paul declared. “We all have the truth written in our human experience to some degree.”

We yearn for truth and we recognise it.

Paul has found when you present the truth of how sex was meant to be, it resonates with them.

He said this is partly because they recognise the lack of truth in their previous experience.

Paul told the story of his wife who at the age of 14 heard a married couple explain the truth about marriage and sex. That one-hour presentation had a profound effect and transformed her life right through to her wedding day.

Real Talk presentations are now bearing fruit as they hear testimonies of those who heard this message on sex and marriage and followed through on its guidance six years ago.

If you would like to listen to the full audio interview click play below

Paul Ninnes

Paul is the Co-founder and Managing Director of Real Talk International.

He uses his powerful life story and fifteen years ministry experience to present the life-changing Real Talk message. Paul was awarded “Professional Leader of the Year” in 2014.

He has a Bachelor of Physiotherapy and postgraduate qualifications in Sexual Health and Theology. Paul is married to Emma and has four beautiful children.

In a world where young people crave information, authenticity and reality, Real Talk’s presenters deliver the full message on sex and relationships using language and methods that teenagers respond to. The topic is too important to just sweep under the carpet. Young people need to hear the truth in a compelling way and they need it now!

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