Salvation for a Sexually Abused Child

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018

The Alicia Murray Story

‘I hated myself. I really hated myself.’

“It spiraled out of control. Trying to cope, my trying to survive only led me to make poorer decisions.”

(But later, much later….)

“I found it! I found that love I’d always been looking for!”

“It was His unconditional love, that someone would die for me, that love that I’d always sought for and always searched for and always hungered for.”

Tears of joy

God is a miracle working God and Alicia Murray is in a much better place today. And she’s married as well and wanted to share a brief snippet of the romance that culminated in her marriage.

Alicia Murray is Allen Murray’s wife and Allen became a Christian when in prison before making music for the Lord. He also wrote a song for his wife-to- be Alicia, a song he sang for her on their wedding day.

The performance of the song alone was beyond anything Alicia could have imagined or dreamed possible.

“The love I felt that he had for me, to secretly write the song and to perform it on our wedding ceremony day, it was just beautiful,” Alicia declared, saying she cried tears of joy on that special occasion.

This was a mountaintop moment for Alicia who knows what it’s like to be in the deepest and darkest despair when her life resembled what could only be described as hell itself.

“I think through suffering and darkness and when you experience love, light and life it tastes so much sweeter.”

Crippling fear

Alicia’s childhood didn’t start anywhere near what would soon become a bottomless abyss. Quite the opposite in fact with two loving parents and an older brother and together they grew up in a little town in Queensland.

“We were just a happy little family,” Alicia shared. But at the age of five a horrific destructive event took place.

I went through some sexual abuse which really, really traumatised me. I was such a fearful, broken child after those experiences.

“A lot of mind battles, a lot of separation anxiety, and a lot of crippling fear,” were some of the words Alicia used to describe her ordeal.

By the time she was eleven and haunted by her past, Alicia began having what are described as flashbacks as she tried to suppress some of the memories.

“There were things that had happened that I had forgotten or somehow blocked out because it was so traumatic and I’ve recently learned why that can happen and it’s quite common.”

A very scary time

“It was almost like a flood. They were out of my control. I didn’t want to think on it, I didn’t want to know about it.”

“At that age it was very, very difficult to cope with how I was feeling.”

What can a child do? Alicia had been abused by a close family acquaintance. Who can she trust?

It was a very scary time when you don’t know who to trust. Even my own family.

“When you’ve only the mind of a child it’s a very hard road,” Alicia shared.

Her self-esteem shattered, her spirit and identity crushed, how could a young girl be in any condition to be loveable or loved? Alicia certainly wasn’t.

I was anorexic

“As I became older I was looking for love in all the wrong places. By the age of fourteen I was anorexic, and I now understand I was trying to gain control over what had happened to me.”

Alicia thought the only way she could control her situation was to control what she ate. There’s only so much pain a child can take and eventually, Alicia in a dangerous anorexic state was admitted to hospital.

I nearly died. I was down to 32 kilos and being force fed in a psychiatric hospital, away from my family and in the city.

“The family couldn’t afford to come that often but they were always supportive.”

Imagine also, telling others about your sexual abuse and they don’t believe you. This only made matters worse. Alicia was left to her own devices, a confused and deeply disturbed young girl, all alone with her living nightmare.

‘Self rejection’

“I blamed myself and that’s very common. You think it’s your fault, you think you’ve done something wrong, and you seek approval, you seek love, you seek acceptance,” Alicia said.

“You become hyper vigilant and so anxiety-driven that you’re just waiting to be rejected.”

It’s like you expect to be rejected because you’re rejecting yourself.

In this poor state of mind, body and soul Alicia drifted into her teenage years, years that were to see her experiment with drugs and other substances.

“I didn’t value myself. I was hanging around people who didn’t value me either. It was the lowest point of my life.”

“I didn’t know how anyone could be so broken and yet you keep breaking even more.”

The day God broke through

If Alicia thought for a moment it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Her life was spiraling out of control, a victim of further abuse including domestic violence and rape.

“This led to destructive relationships. I was in a relationship where I was physically abused and raped.”

Looking back on her late teens and early twenties, this was to be the lowest point of Alicia’s very trouble life. The bottom of the abyss had arrived.

But the day of days came, that miraculous day when God broke through and turned Alicia’s life around.

It was a day when Alicia was high on drugs and had gone to her boyfriend’s mother’s place.

“There was a Jesus film there and I was curious. She (the boyfriend’s mother) had recently become a Christian.”

“She was away at the time and we put the film on and watched it!”

The film was centred on the Gospel of Luke and it was all Scripture.

“I was so curious and mesmerised by Jesus, by the things that He said, by His character, and they had at the end the sinners’ prayer.”

All the time this was happening Alicia was thinking to herself why she didn’t know about Jesus.

“How did I not know that He came and died for me, and I prayed the sinners’ prayer and I broke down and just cried and cried and cried and cried,” Alicia testified.

“It was His unconditional love, that someone would die for me, that love that I’d always sought for and always searched for and always hungered for.”

I found it! I found that love I’d always been looking for!

Another significant part in the movie that registered with Alicia was when the Pharisees were treating cruelly a woman who was a prostitute. Then Jesus touched her on the shoulder.

“It was almost like the fragrance of Jesus blew and touched her face. You could see the wind touch her hair and her hair lifted up.”

‘Jesus delivered me’

“And Jesus lifts up our heads and He lifted up mine and I saw His glory and I tasted His love and my life has never been the same since.”

A transformation had begun on Alicia’s life. The Holy Spirit was at work bringing redemption and healing to Alicia’s spiritually-starved mind, body and soul.

Jesus delivered me from so many things. He delivered me from drug addiction. I had this major transformation where I know longer desired to use drugs.

“I stopped smoking. I left the relationship I was in, I moved back in with my parents, my language changed, the way I dressed changed, and I felt clean for the first time, I felt new, I felt I’d been given a new chance, and I was forgiven for all the things I had done wrong.”

“God’s love broke through and I wouldn’t be where I am today without my Jesus.”

Since Jesus broke through much has taken place. Of significance, there has been seven years of weekly prayer needed to allow for the fullness of restoration and healing to take place in Alicia’s life.

Alicia, Allen & Eric Skattebo (Real Faith)

“I’ve had Jesus come into different areas of my heart and bring His healing, His truth and His love,” Alicia shared.

“I know my God is bigger than all and I know that He’ll complete what He’s begun in my life.”

 

Footnote

For this Jesus movie and others, go to: https://vision.org.au/radio/wp-admin/post.php?post=37736&action=edit

The Gospel of Luke (Word For Word Adaptation – NIV & KJV)

2 x DVDs 12634DVD

Word for Word adaptation of the Gospel of Luke in NIV & KJV. Fantastic scenery and acting bringing the story of Jesus and the world of first-century Palestine to life with the powerful narration of scripture. Runtime 204 minutes. $21.95

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