Men often tend to live in isolation, which can impact them in many ways. It’s important to remember that you are not alone. Accountability, especially in church groups, is very important, but many men go through life without anyone to keep them accountable for what they say and do.
On this episode of Momentum, David Dusek joined us to share his insights on how men can become accountable and the importance of finding the right person or group to support this journey.
‘Accountability is absolutely critical,’ says David. ‘If you take the illustration of guys in a combat situation, everybody does a buddy check. Do you have water in your canteen? Do you have weapons, and a helmet? Do you have what you need in the field? And nobody gets offended by that because they know that the other man is looking out for their best interest.’
A Common Enemy
David believes we are dealing with a similar situation in this world, where we face a common enemy. The Bible says in John 10:10, the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. If Satan can destroy a man, he can also destroy a marriage, the children, and damage the legacy for future generations.
‘We’ve all heard the accountability word in church circles,’ says David. ‘And in my opinion, it’s one of the most maligned words. Because as soon as guys hear the word accountability, it conjures up images of somebody scrolling through their internet history or asking them what they’re thinking about. It’s immediately off-putting.’
Accountability is often misunderstood and seen as negative, but it’s very important for staying balanced in life. True accountability means having someone you trust to help keep you on track with your values and commitments. Instead of just telling you what not to do, it’s about mutual support.
God’s Faithfulness
In the church, men often take on too many tasks, leading to burnout and neglecting their families. Good accountability helps men prioritise their marriage and family, reminding them of what’s truly important. It’s about having someone to help them remember God’s faithfulness and keep perspective during tough times.
‘It’s countercultural to need another guy,’ David explains. ‘It’s the culture. We were raised to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. At that point, I think we’re just trained to operate by ourselves and not to need anybody else. In fact, culturally, it’s a sign of weakness for the most part if you say you need help.’
David’s experience of being in a non-profit ministry has been humbling because he relies on donations, and all support comes from God through others. This principle applies to everything, including work and family life. Trying to handle marriage and parenting alone, without advice or support, often leads to struggles. We need help from others to succeed.
‘Accountability is through transparency,’ says David. ‘If you’re real about your life with someone else, you just vicariously give them permission to respond in kind. Never underestimate the power of just checking in on someone, because a lot of the guys that I know, myself included, we didn’t get that affirmation from our fathers. So we’ve gotten used to living in a negative space where we don’t get affirmation.’
‘But words of encouragement don’t cost a thing.’
Listen to David’s full interview on Momentum below:
