[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”81950″ add_caption=”yes” alignment=”center” img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]One of the most disturbing consequences of lockdowns over the past two years has been the increase in domestic and family violence. There was a 65% increase in DV-related hospitalisations reported by front-line workers, and sadly the violence has continued in the post-lockdown era.
But DV was a problem of epidemic proportions in Australia even before COVID hit. Families were already facing economic stress and disaster-related instability. Then suddenly, they found themselves thrust into repeated lockdowns.
Matt Boulton is a Pastor and Counsellor in the area of domestic violence. He’s also an advocate and speaker who is best known as the leader of ‘The Circuit Breaker Program’, and author of the book ‘Changing Tools’. Matt recently joined us on 20Twenty to share how his own story of healing and restoration is now helping others.
Matt specialises in working with perpetrators, and knows from first-hand experience the damage that violence does to relationships. Matt was himself once a perpetrator, but through Lifeline was able to get the help he needed.
“I just became an abusive man, grappling with what it meant to be a husband,” says Matt. “I began using bad language and raising my voice. Eventually, I crossed the line into a really sad chapter of getting physical. It wasn’t until the consequences led to a separation that I finally sought help.”
Matt believes there’s a point where most people realise that things are getting worse. If we lose our cool at someone, it’s a problem. If we keep doing the same things, we keep getting the same results. Sometimes we need outside help and new tools and strategies for change.
“The cycle of violence is a really helpful tool to help us understand,” says Matt. “We all know about the results of the explosion phase that we tragically see in the media. But there’s not much known about the remorse phase. Remorse is real for people who feel ashamed of what they’ve done.”
Generally the remorse phase is the best time for working with people. In a church setting, we might look at this as repentance. But we still have to put some substance to that change in behaviour. The Bible tells us that ‘faith without works is dead’.
“There are things we need to do to bring about change,” Matt says. “Putting strong boundaries around behaviour and accountability is a big part of it. People are looking for that in the remorse phase, but if we let them get any further, they’re likely to just do another lap around the cycle.”
It’s also not uncommon for domestic violence to exist inside church communities. There are some additional factors that can make it harder to get help, because people are afraid and feel more ashamed. They also might have really strong opinions around separation.
“Sometimes separation is necessary for survival,” Matt says. “Otherwise, people become tragic headlines, and that’s certainly not what I think God wants. Sadly we see victims on both sides of the gender spectrum, but definitely the results in terms of injuries and deaths are greater with females.”
The best thing churches can do is have a conversation about these issues. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be about DV, it can begin with conflict resolution. Give people permission to be real, and then listen. Churches have the ability to love and support people toward a better future.
“I think it’s a mistake to just think of domestic abuse as violence,” Matt says. “There’s a whole pattern of abusive behaviour that make this possible. In fact, it usually begins with psychological abuse. This wears a person down, and things like financial abuse can limit options and isolate a victim to the point where they have no options for escaping.”
If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, please reach out for help. You can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or DV Connect on 1800 737 732. To find more information about Matt’s ‘Circuit Breaker Program’, follow this link https://circuitbreakercourse.net
[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Listen to the full interview here:[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_text_separator title_align=”separator_align_left” border_width=”3″ title=”Read More”][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” style=”load-more” max_items=”10″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1649716993976-6daf31a7-33f0-2″ taxonomies=”742″ items_per_page=”3″ btn_title=”Load more”][/vc_column][/vc_row]
