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Should Married People Have Opposite Gender Friends?

by | Fri, Sep 17 2021

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Two couples talking

Originally Published November 2020

One of our favourite couples, Dave and Ashely Willis, joined Robbo and Becci to discuss the importance of having same sex mentors and friends in a marriage.

It’s so important to honour your spouse when confiding in someone else or asking for advice or counsel. One way Dave and Ashley suggest doing this is to limit your interactions with the opposite sex and set appropriate boundaries.

Ashley believes you have to trust each other and be beyond reproach. “You need to make sure you are protecting your spouse and the other persons spouse. If its individual mentoring, meet with someone of the same sex who is older and has some wisdom. But always make sure to bring your spouse into relationships with the opposite sex. Problems start out so innocently, with someone sharing more than they intended, and then it can quickly become intimate. It’s not intentional. You need to make sure you protect your marriage and have boundaries in place.”

Dave adds, “Part of the reason we caution people about having opposite sex relationships that don’t have boundaries, is that it can happen in any interaction. Don’t meet alone with opposite sex, make sure you’re somewhere that you can be seen. When you’re texting, even if its work related, make sure your partner is copied into the message or is part of the group chat. This shows respect for everybody involved and prevents you from going down the wrong road.”

Whether it’s an emotional or physical relationship, its a thousand little things that lead to a problem in your marriage, not just one bad decision. Until one day you’re just too close to the other person.

Ashely says, “If you’re feelings are all over the place, the enemy would love nothing more than to convince you you’ve married the wrong person and don’t have what you need at home. You start seeing your spouse in a negative light and forming a bond with another person. Decide to be honest. Set boundaries and focus on your marriage. God can work a miracle. Run home to your spouse and start working on your marriage. You can’t allow your feelings to be your compass, God is your compass. Follow your commitment.”

Dave agrees. “Hold yourself to a higher standard. Don’t allow yourself to be in those situations. Don’t be afraid to be weird, the world says that divorce is normal, but we are called to do things differently. We are set apart. Our marriages are worth the effort. If you’re hiding things, you’re way out of bounds. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy that you’re trapped, get free with God’s help.”

God can work a miracle in your marriage if you’ll just invite Him in. For more advice on mentoring relationships, check out Dave and Ashley’s podcast, The Naked Marriage, or listen to rest of their chat with Robbo and Becci below.

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Images via Shutterstock.