‘Live joyfully with the wife whom you love…’ Ecclesiastes 9:9 NKJV
In discussing marriage on his TV sitcom, Jerry Seinfeld tells his friend why he’s not married: ‘No healthy person would want the neglect I have to offer.’ Let’s face it, even the best marriages are made up of two imperfect people who sometimes neglect each other. And when you’ve been hurt it’s easy to react in the flesh instead of responding in the Spirit. Some hurts go deep. At this point we must remember that forgiveness is a decision, but trust is a process; when it’s been torn down, it takes time to rebuild. Men and women often perceive trust differently. When a woman’s been hurt, her husband may think an apology should immediately enable her to trust him again, move on, and not talk about it. That’s not so; two things need to happen. First, the offending partner needs to acknowledge what they’ve done. Don’t just tell your partner to ‘get over it’. Validate their feelings, even though they act like they don’t want you to. Acknowledge their pain. When others rationalise or trivialise what’s hurting us, it only makes us angrier. Only when we feel validated do our wounds begin to heal. Second, the offended partner needs to make sure that bitterness doesn’t creep in. ‘How can I do that?’ you ask. By refusing to stay hurt any longer than is absolutely necessary, and by allowing God to heal your heart and restore your love. The Bible says, ‘…If you hear His voice today, don’t be stubborn!’ (Hebrews 4:7 CEV) When God gives you the grace to forgive and release the hurt, you need to seize it!
SoulFood: Song of Sol 1-4, Luke 22:54-62, Ps 3, Pr 21:4-8
